I was cryin' when I met you, Now I'm tryin' to forget you

Yesterday we gave ourselves and our loved ones a big pat on the back for one thing we are great at.  Today let’s look at the flip-side.  We probably all have one thing we could try to do better.  Why not make today the day we start working on it.  No judgments, no scolding, just sharing one small thing we can improve so the DOC can cheer us on!


DAY 3:
I keep letting my insulin run out. I want to maximize my use of it-since it's one of the additions of monthly payments I've had to include. Well, that's all fine, but I need to make sure I have enough supplies with me to fill it! I work about thirty minutes from my house, and I nanny for two little girls. So you can imagine that's its extremely difficult to run home and get my supplies, should I run out. 


I need to figure out a way to remind myself when I'm running low. And then remind myself to remind myself. It's been such a  big adjustment just to remember my meter, my pump, my CGM, my everything. Then add making sure the insulin is in the pump and can get you through the day: Ugh, my memory hurts already. 


If you have any suggestions, I'd be glad to hear them. :) Although, I'll still probably figure out a way to forget. 

Love the One You're With

As our Tuesday commences, I see the topic for today's blog is: One thing you or a Loved one does spectacularly.

Well, mines a little different. I tend to forget when my pump is getting low. And I don't always check two hours after I eat. My A1C is better, but not perfect. My sensor, well, I am in between good and bad with that. But diabetes has changed me, for the better. BIG TIME.

On the 26 of this month, it will be five months since I quit smoking. I smoked for fifteen years and loved it. I loved the socialization, I loved the feel, I even loved the smell some times. But when I read all the complications with Diabetes that stem from smoking, I couldn't ignore it. Heart risk!? Circulation problems!? LIMB AMPUTATIONS!!!!???? No, thank you.

So, I started in October and gradually decreased how much I was smoking. I started at a pack and a half a day. Yes, I was smoking 30 cigarettes a day when I decided I didn't need to be any more. But I went to 10 immediately- a huge cutback. Then the next week, I smoked nine a day. Then 8. And so on and so on. I did have to do the 1 cigarette a day for two weeks. I just couldn't give it up right before Christmas. 

My last cigarette was December 26, 2011. I feel better. I don't get sick as often. My numbers are good. My circulation is better. And I don't smell like an ashtray. I think about smoking some days, but then I just remember how much I love my feet. 

I have to admit, some times I take deep breaths when a smoker is near by, but it will never be worth one more puff. 

You've Got a Friend In Me

My First Blog Week! I'm super excited! I don't have a lot of time for this first one, but I needed to make sure I am participating. I'm dedicated--as both a diabetic and as a girl with the need to follow through. 

Find a Friend: When I first heard about D-Blogs, I just started googling. To be honest, I was looking for http://www.meanddblog.com/ which is a fantastic blog as well. But I happened to come across Colleen at http://dmeanderings.wordpress.com. It's fantastic! She is a LADA patient, like myself. She's wonderful and happy, and her blog is the only blog that I get e-mail notifications for. And I love it. I read it not matter what and you should, too!

That's all I've got for the first Diabetes Blog Week Post. Keep reading this week!

Reaching out: Touching You...Touching Me

So I just did something. And I'm not sure if I am crossing lines. But I had to.

I am a part of a website that let's me find nanny and babysitting jobs. I have been a nanny for five years, love it, and will continue to use the website, as it has helped me find so many great jobs and allows for security.

I get emails every day from the site that tell me about families in the area looking for a reliable and dependable babysitter. Not only do I take care of average kids, I am also a special needs caretaker.

As I was looking at one of today's update emails, I saw a mom looking for a summer babysitter. She was listed under the special needs category, but as I read her post, I saw this child wasn't special needs, he was a diabetic! I had never thought about it before. But I guess it is a special need. I wanted to apply for the job so badly. I am dying to be around kids with diabetes so I can have the introspection. But, it just didn't fit into the times I have available for summer.

But I didn't care. I felt like I needed to write to this mom. Here's what I said:

Hi!


My name is Charli Morris. I, unfortunately, cannot apply for the position, because I have other jobs I have accepted that cover those times. But, even so, I wanted to write you a quick note.


I saw that your son has Type 1 diabetes. First of all, let me say how sorry I am and that I know that it's a struggle. I also have T1. I have been recently diagnosed. I know lots of diabetics and lots of moms of T1 kids and I know it is not easy. My heart and thoughts go out to you in the health of your little boy.


I also wanted to let you know you are not alone. Since I have been diagnosed, I have found what's called the Diabetic Online Community. It is wonderful. We are on Twitter, and Facebook, and if you google diabetes blogs, you will be AMAZED at how many come up. I talk to diabetics, literally all over the world, every day. And it helps. It helps get us through things and it helps answer our questions. I want to let you know about it so that, if you don't have support, you will now.


I know this isn't what you wanted in response to your advertisement to child care. And I apologize if I've crossed any boundaries. But I want every one to know about this incredible community so that we can continue to reach out and help as many of us as possible.


I will keep you and your son in my thoughts and will hope for the best of health.


Take care and good luck in your search!


-Charli Morris

I hope she isn't offended. But I know how much the DOC helps me on a daily basis. And if that email can even help with a happy feeling in her heart, it was worth the embarrassment or possibly offending her.

I love you DOC. I will never be able to show my gratitude enough for the insight, love, acceptance, happiness, and strength you have all given me.

And there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend.

I don't have a ton to say. Lots of stuff is going on.

But, I tore my sensor out today. It's the fifth one in a row I haven't completed the time with because I keep ripping out of my damn body. I can't find a place to keep it. And now I'm all sore from different times it's ripped out.

So, I'm taking a mini break from it. I'll put it back in tomorrow night probably.

But, for now, as I struggle with other things, the CGM can stay out.

Is that a Sensor in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?

I did it! I tried a new site for my sensor. I've been rolling around on my abdomen and keep putting it in places that crease when I have less than perfect posture. So I turned to the DOC. I asked them: Where do you like your CGM to go? 

I got very few abdomen answers. Which, coincidentally enough, is the only place the FDA have approved the type of sensor I have. None of them cared because they found places to put it that worked better for them. I got mostly arm and leg answers. I'm not ready for my arm. For a lot of reasons. Sadly, mostly for vanity reasons.

I have to admit, since I have gotten the CGM, I feel incredibly self-conscious about my body. I've NEVER been this crazy about how my body looks. I'm not your typical self-conscious person when it comes to my body. I have loved it the most when it was curvy. I was a nude model in college, for F@$% sakes. My roommates have gotten more than their full eye share, as have most of my girl friends. I mooned a kid on the second day of first grade. So, yea. Bashful has never really applied to me. But since the use of the CGM, I am horribly ashamed of my body. The little girl I nanny for is curious about it and lifts up my shirt to check it out. And I pull it down after quickly letting her know it's my medicine. I undress in my bathroom for showers. And wear a towel afterwards. I'm sure I'll get over it, but it's there.

So, I figured a new site could help. I picked my leg. And had to count to 33 before I pressed the little white button on the sen-serter. Then, I went to pull the sen-serter from the sensor, and the needle came with it. I got half way before I manually pressed it back in. Tim about passed out. 

But, I got it in there. And, I don't feel as weird about it. Still creepy for me. But, I tried something. And it was successful. Now I just hope it reads...

Also, I have a slight skin allergy to nickel in metal. Which is funny, because the transmitter has it. So, I take a piece of cotton pad, cut it in half, and stick it under the sensor. Now, I'm not all red and bumpy and itchy when it comes off.

I hereby introduce you to Barry and Whitney. Barry is my insulin pump. He was named by five year old nephew when I asked him what the name should be. Whitney came from Tim, who dedicates it to Whitney Houston. So far, Barry gives me what I need and Whitney is a straight up, life-interrupting bitch. 

Disclaimer: I do not promote using these products in any way other than how your doctor tells you is alright. Always consult with your Endo or a representative from the technology company before deciding where these can go. 

Also, I was not paid or encourage by Medtronic, Tim or my five year-old nephew to write this blog. All words come from my mind only. 

What A Difference a Day (& A CGM) Makes

So, first of all, I feel like I need to add something that I have needed to say for a long time: I have been getting a little bit of negative feedback on my blog. It seems as though some people don't agree with how much I write or what I write. Because of this, I have been a little weary of keeping up with this #dblog. But, to those people, I just want to say: Don't read any more. This blog is written on the off chance that it may help someone feel so not alone-and help me not feel so all alone. If you have a problem with any of them, you can be an adult and choose not to read it. #thatisall


So, I haven't written in a while because there are a few things outside of diabetes going on in my life that I am not ready to make public yet, and I am afraid of overspill. But the diabetes is such a huge part of me that I feel like not writing is making things worse. And I feel like I'm not doing something that I really love. I figure that any of my readers will understand if anything comes out--and most of you are the most supportive people in my life, so I think you can all understand that shit just happens in life.


Today, I got my CGM. I have been a little nervous because I was aware of how big the needle was. But, I didn't want to psych myself out like I did about the pump. I was petrified of getting that thing. And, truly, there was no reason to be.

CGM stands for Continuous Glucose Monitor. Basically, I insert a tube in with a little device attached to it that checks my blood glucose levels every few seconds or so. It gives me the data I need to actually see what my blood sugars are doing all day. For instance, the finger pricks just tell you a moment in time: Exactly what you blood sugar was at 2:38:03 pm without a show of where it is going, whether it be up or down. The CGM allows my pump to show what my blood sugars are at 2:38:04, 2:38:05, 2:38:06 and so on and so on. I still have to prick my fingers before meals, but thats not ten times a day. AND it will now alert me if I'm heading below 80 mg/dl, or above 300 mg/dl-so I won't have an incident like passing out in a gas station, or be unaware if I'm at considerable risk for KetoAcidocis. CGM=More Control.

So I get to the doctor's office twenty minutes early. I didn't read my suggested reading like I was supposed to, so I figured I'd get some in. I was a little nervous, and all by myself--which I chose to be by myself for a plethora of reasons on this one. Shortly after I got there, R-my Medtronic Trainer for the pump and CGM- walked in with a smile and asked me if I was ready. She took me back into an examining room, and had me get out the CGM sensor and transmitter, as well as the insertion device. She left the room to take a call from another patient. And left me staring a needle about an inch long inside of a rubber tube that was just a little shorter than the needle- and attached to the CGM. I started feeling weak.

She came back about ten minutes later, and saw my face. "Are you okay?" she asked, "Do you need some water?"

I must have been as white as a ghost (well whiter, because I already AM as white as a ghost.) I responded back with a quiet, "Yes, please." (Luckily, she didn't use the normal small little shot glasses they offer that are set up by the water jug in the waiting room.)

She went through everything. Fast. I understood everything, but no matter what, that needle could not be put off long ago. As I stood with the insertion device ready to begin, my fingers holding my belly skin taught, and her looking up at me counting to three, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and pushed that button.

What it looked like and felt like, I'm sure were two different things. It was just a small needle, and I didn't jolt. But OMFG did it sting like a MOFO. I felt like I was in a slow motion action sequence in a movie. You know, the ones were the protagonist and antagonist are ending there scene of a big blow out fight and the protagonist takes out his last move with a dagger and shoves it into the antagonists mid section? I felt like slow motion a twelve inch blade went into my abdomen and I bent over in half, throwing my arms forwards, with blood spilling every where. But, that's not what happened.

I looked down, and it was bleeding for sure, but not a dagger like amount by any means. At that point, I did what a lot of people would have done seeing a decent amount of blood come out and feeling like I had been stabbed: I fainted. I woke up with two nurses and R standing over me, a rag on my forehead, and the fan on my face. They all smiled and asked if I was alright. I laughed.

"Sorry, I'm such a wimp." I said.

They reassured me it was fine and I was going to be okay.

I looked at the blood at the paper towel. It was the size of a dime. I am my fathers daughter, for sure. (He can't even watch someone else get a shot or IV or he passes out.)

We joked about how I should be used to seeing my own blood by now. But I'm not. I told R to take my diabetes away. She said she'd love to.

It stopped stinging about twenty minutes after. I think most of it was shock and my dramatic mind taking it somewhere it didn't need to be. But I lived.

And now, it is communication with my pump. I've only looked at the data twice since I inserted it. I'm sure I will get more obsessive about it, but I am going to try to remember it's just data and doesn't determine who I am or what I am doing is wrong or right.

I'm certainly not looking forward to changing it on Monday. That's going to be nerve racking for me. But I'll make it through. Like everything else.

It's not always fun taking care of my body with all this stuff. I am now almost $20K in medical debt. I wish I didn't have to pay it. I hate eating better (although I like feeling better.) I still miss smoking almost every day. But all of this has given me a pretty strong outlook. I'm feeling better every day. Something exciting is happening that I can't wait for. And other things are on the horizon that will be life-changing too.

But I'm trucking. And now I'm trucking with a little more awareness.