Thursday, January 12, 2012

Love and Other Drugs

See the movie? It's a story about a young woman with Stage One Parkinson's and her boyfriend (who happens to be a pharmaceutical rep) who supports her throughout her struggle in the beginning of their relationship. Its cheesy, sexy, and most definitely a chick flick. It's also the beginning of my inspiration.

I have LADA. It's a type of diabetes that is a lot like Type 1, only diagnosed later in life. It is an auto-immune disease. I have been very sick. I have recently been put on insulin and also been told to take part time disability. You see, I was originally diagnosed as Type 2 by my previous doctor. The medicine he put me on, two oral medications and an injection, really hurt me. It broke down my kidneys, my liver, and damaged my pancreas. Some days, I have overwhelming pain throughout my abdomen. My doctor does blood and urine analysis every month, as well as sonograms on my oversized thyroid and my busted up kidneys. I get sick quite easily because LADA is an auto-immune disease. And I'm almost always tired.

I also suffer from depression, anxiety, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder and Borderline Personality disorder. Therapy and medicine helps the mental quite a bit.

But it's not easy. When I poke my finger and see a high number on my monitor, it's hard to stick a needle into myself. It's not easy to not cry when it hurts because I got a part of me that isn't fatty enough to stick the needle into. It's not easy to not pass out when blood comes out of my injection area. It's not easy to take care of it and get through it. It's not easy to have to stop what I'm doing and eat something or check my blood sugar levels. It plain sucks that my doctor is on speed dial and he talks to me more than some of my friends and family. I'm scared every day he's going to say, go into the ER immediately--because he says it on too many occasions.

I hate that the parents of the kids I  nanny for have to deal with the fact that I get sick some times and have no energy. I hate that my parents are worried about me all the time--although they would be no matter what. I hate that my best friends in the entire world have to look out for me and tell me what to do when I get so low I literally cannot think for myself. I hate that I can't binge drink whenever I want to and eat whatever I want to and not stop to check my sugar levels and give myself and injection. I hate being in pain and not being able to stand for long periods of time. I hate that I get tired after I eat some times. I hate that I can't run on 4 hours of sleep nightly like I always did. I hate asking for nutritional information at restaurants when I can't find it online. I hate explaining that I didn't do this to myself. And most of all, I hate that my husband has to go through all of this and watch me suffer, wake me up in the middle of the night when I'm sweating and near comatose, wait to eat when I do, talk about what to do when I'm so sick and I won't get better, and most of all that he is scared all the time of losing his partner to physical or mental health.

He is my rock. He is my Type Awesome. He is my Type 3 diabetic (spouse or significant other of someone with diabetes.) He is my guardian. He is my protection. He is my best friend. He is my husband.

I can't tell you how many times I tried to push him away from me. I think he deserves better than all of this. I have done things unmentionable to make him want to leave. And he doesn't. He loves me so much. And he is such a great support.

When I met the Diabetic Online Community, I finally felt like I wasn't alone. When Tim met them, I finally felt like he was with me 100% and I finally realized he wasn't going any where. I mean, to laugh about these horrible things sounds so wrong, but it is the best medicine. The DOC laughs, cries, tells the truth, asks questions, is helpful, and is just there. It's the most amazing thing I've ever felt in my life. Someone described as a club you never wanted to be a part of. But if I have to have this, I'm glad I'm in their club.

And I'm even happier my husband supports it completely.

In Love and Other Drugs, Anne Hathaway's character finally realizes how lucky she is to have a man like Jake Gyllenhal's character and how supportive he is. She also realizes how lucky she is to be supported in the community of people dying and living with the same disease she has. It definitely got me all worked up emotionally.

Between watching that crazy chick flick, reading an article about a Husband with a wife with Type 1, and reading a blog from a girl that battles with depression, I was inspired.

Thank you, DOC. You have helped me so much.

And thanks to Tim. He is amazing and I'm thankful every day that we have together. Even the days when I'm acting like a total bitch. I wish everyone could have the supportive spouse I do...

4 comments:

  1. You are in my thoughts today. I will light a candle in your honor tonight when I get home.

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  2. you are beautiful and loved just as you are, my friend. and i'm so happy you have tim. what a guy! and i know what you mean about him being your rock. josh is that for me.

    beautiful post!

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  3. I love you...I just love you. That is all.

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