Monday, February 4, 2013

Do you notice I can't focus?

Stressful night! With the use of the CGM, my pump is back to yelling commands at me. "Predicted High." "Predicted Low." "Meter BG NOW." And, I received all of those messages between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. And now, it's time to get up and start my day and I'm exhausted. My heart feels like it won't stop racing and anxiety is kicking in.

While chatting with my bestie via text this morning, she asked, "I feel like things (diabetes) have been more out of whack recently. Is everything ok?"

Bring on the water works.

Aside from diabetes, I hate the question: Is everything ok. Not because of someone asking. But it feels like when someone asks, my mind floods and I realize all the things that aren't ok. I'm a mess, I know. I should focus on the positive, and do mostly. But that question seems to be a trigger.

But, then, I really started thinking about the question. The past five to six months have been insane in my personal life. I started a new job. (Which I LOVE.) I have really become independent financially. (Which scares the shit out of me.) And I got divorced. (Super bitter sweet. Everything was finalized a week and a half ago.) With everything going hectic in my world, I really haven't paid as much attention to my diabetes as it deserves.

1. I don't want it to rule my life.
2. Obviously, bigger things have needed my direct attention.
3. Diabetes, believe it or not, is not as exciting and fun as it sounds so sweeping it under the carpet seems lovely.

So, as stated in my last post, I started using my CGM again. And it's a bitch. It's actually keep track of my blood sugars every ten minutes and doing it's friggin job. Which, I should be happy about. But I am a control freak, my friends. I like things how I like them. And I can't get my blood sugars to do exactly what I need to. So, my CGM is yelling at me constantly. At work. When I'm with friends. And, when I'm trying to get a decent nights rest.

I know it's good in the long run, but I just need some stinking sleep. And I am done with 3 am crashes and 4 am high predictions and 5 am meter BG demands and feeling like my body can't get a grip.

The good part of all of this is that I am recognizing I need more focus on D. The bad part is, I'm focusing on D and it's stressing me out.

I'm taking bids for who wants to take this over for me from now on. That's it, a diabetes secretary!

Qualified Applicants will have the following:
  • Great Health Insurance
  • Never ending patience
  • Finger tips of steel
  • No scar tissue to interfere with infusion sites
  • Control over binge eating
  • Strong Mathematical Skills and Carb Counting Techniques
Preferred, but not necessary:
  • High journaling performance
  • Juice boxes and glutose tabs always on hand
  • Paddle to swat away diabetic unfriendly people

Apply within and you will be notified shortly.

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